A different viewpoint

It's curious how I'm blogging now, considering how I'm sick and all. This cold has been haunting me since the day before, or even for months, where I've been having this irritating blocked nose and thus not being able to appreciate food fully.

And yet, this cold has brought me something other than discomfort, and that is the chance to truly take a break and reflect on life lately.

This might seem oddly contradictory to my previous blog post, since I talked about how we should be working so very hard in this semester. However, after two weeks of school, it suddenly occurred to me how infused I am into this rat race without even realizing it.

And as I look upon what I've garnered so far, I must say that the knowledge obtained in the past two weeks have been mediocre at best. Despite my efforts to truly love what I'm learning, I can't help but admit that I've been constraining myself too much, and forcing myself to study ineffectively for far too long.

I used to be able to simply read through my notes once, reflect deeply, and that's it. I've completely absorbed the knowledge required. Lately though, I feel myself glossing through the pages, trying to swallow everything just so I could do well in the exams. It feels like I'm putting more effort into spending more time on mugging instead of focusing on quality mugging.

And I believe I've found out why partially. 

I've always looked upon myself as a practical, independent person. and it truly surprised me how dependent I've become lately. 

First, I've become too dependent on time. As I try to plan my way through reading up on my textbook and doing tutorials, I've been calculating the time needed for each activity. And this is in fact what is ruining me. I love the times in Semester 1 when I could simply head to the TV room, take out my tutorial, and spend hours on it without interruption. Simply cause I loved doing my English Language tutorial so much. (There was even once where I worked till 4am without realizing!) It was the same for Psychology when I simply walked over to the study room at night and just started reading through 1 chapter for so very long. It was those times where there were no restrictions, where I felt the freedom to relax and study that the knowledge retained became permanent.

Lately though, things have not been this way at all. I've been trying to compartmentalize very waking moment to be effective, and yes this could work for others, but definitely not me. What I've failed to realize is that I work best when focused on one thing for hours instead of juggling multiple subjects per night and trying to get the best out of everything. 

Second, I've become too dependent on friends. I know that this isn't a bad thing per se, however, the fact remains that it's better for me to have more time alone. I've been so caught up with going out and meeting up with everyone that I'm starting to feel I'm missing the point of why am I doing so. Am I having outings for the sake of having them? I certainly hope not. I do want an enriched university life, but I'm starting to feel that I'm going about it the wrong way.

The same issue applies to studying with friends. When studying with friends, I can't help but feel that I'm studying for the sake of studying instead of doing it for myself. I certainly hope that I can twitch my mindset when with them since I really like studying together, but if it still doesn't work, I guess more time alone is the way to go. Perhaps the sense of urgency has simply not set in yet, since I can still remember clearly how effective studying at Candice's place was. 

Lastly, before this university life jumped on me, I've been contented having part-time jobs and giving tuition. I truly enjoyed life for what it is. I had a wonderful internship and really learnt a lot. I came into NUS with the expectation that things would get better, that I would be studying what I love for the sake of my career as an Industrial-Organizational Psychologist or even to explore other career options.

However, it often hits me that I've not been living up to my own pre-uni expectations. Perhaps it's not the environment or the circumstances, but me who've changed. I've become too nonchalant and have been simply moving through the motion. My CCAs are definitely taking up some time but they are not engaging me much at all. I miss being in the workforce, I miss having good bosses and colleagues, I miss excelling at what I do and earning at the same time for my contributions. Most of all, I miss the practical skills, the applicable knowledge to the current working world which I so desire and need.

Perhaps it's time to truly buck up and emotionally mature to properly pursue my career paths, get an awesome job I love in the future instead of simply finding a job for the financial interests involved. Which is partially why I opted myself out of Biz/Acc even though I know I would be good at it. 

Yet, at the same time, I truly hope that I can continue to remain optimistic, to appreciate what I already have. After all, it's not the kind of life that matters, but the mindset which you approach life with. 

Be optimistic all. :)

Semester 2 starts now! And why am I forced to blog?!

Okay, firstly I should be sleeping now or finishing my 造王者! But according to SOMEBODY, during these 8 days that I'm not blogging:

A magazine is produced, newspaper got dozen being published, 10000000 baby is borned and 1000000 deaths! (Horrible English by that SOMEBODY!)

So here I am! It's amazing how one month passed by so slowly! YESH, that's not a typo! This holiday truly felt like it passed so slowly, guess that means I'm either not enjoying it, enjoying every single moment too much, or simply can't wait for school to start! (I'm not gonna choose.)

But blehs! Now that school is really starting, the feeling of stress is building up again! The endless competition, the endless workload! The need to score well!

Although this time, I'm not going to say that I hate the bell-curve whatsoever, since this education system is the most reflective of our daily life in the workforce.

Let's face it, life ain't fair, and with that comes the need for one to have the drive to march forth and grab every single opportunity in life!

It's true that we are learning new things too quickly and most likely NOT enjoyably, but without this competition, how many of us would truly put in the effort to study hard and score well? Especially when we are on such a strict and restricting schedule?!

Sure, I appreciate how some university overseas have it easier such that students can put in a certain amount of effort and get an A easily, all these while enjoying school life, aka work hard, play even harder.

But well, that's not gonna be the case when we start working. I'm not gonna comment on whether this is simply Singapore's idea of a competitive work life, but I guess the fact remains that this college life trains us to be competitive and to work hard for ourselves. We might be learning for the sake of learning, but the lessons learnt from it does stick with us throughout life.

And so, let's all work even harder again this semester! =D

Two new resolutions: To exercise, and to force myself to mug even during weekends! (Yes, this is much needed, seeing how I couldn't even mug during reading week's weekends!) Damn it, why did I condition myself to slack the moment weekends begin!

As I type, Daniel just sent me a request for Scramble! Haha let the Scrambling begin! It's so cool that we all play Scramble to destress, and if someone is replying to your game quickly, it simply means that we are all just so damn tired from mugging!

Oh my, I sound like such a stupid mugger from what I just typed, but wait I'm still gonna have a life okay!!! HAHA here's proof (Okay, I can't really remember what happened so I'm gonna scroll through my tweets as usual!)

Went for supper with PPPPPP on Monday, NO PICTURES since there was no ba chor mee at Bedok 85 that night! Uber sad! But one thing's for sure, Agnes became so skinny after her exchange!!! Amazed!!! And thank you Hong Wen for taking the time out of your busy school life to drive us around!

Went Ee Chow's house for gaming marathon stayover the next day! I'm sad to say I'm slightly addicted to League of Legends! Although now that school is starting, my addiction faded away lo! Borrowed some JC stats note from Ec to try to remind myself what the hell is statistics since I'm taking 3 stats modules this semester! Oh my!!!

Had to rush over to meet my dear Pokemon gang on Wednesday night!!! So random la our meetup! Yes this dinner outing was planned 2 hours before the meetup, simply because Tom's parent abandoned her for dinner LOL.

And so off to Lau Pa Sat!!! (And yes I do have pictures!!!)

Nice right!!!

It's funny how we had to take this ourselves cause no one was there to help us!

Final group shot of the night!

What I gained most through Psych Camp is truly you guys!!! (Mostly post-camp though oops! Lucky for us!) Haha four modules in common with both of you la! Let's all mug hard!!! And score super well!!! And Tom, I strongly think that you're the smartest, so 靠你了! And Daniel, as the most ARTS among us, all our essays also 靠你了!  I will try to be the mugger who memorized everything!!! By the way 靠你了means depend on you LOL.

EW, just heard a lizard from outside my PGP window. Yucks.

Heheh, Thursday was a FULL PPPPPP outing!!! Watched Wreck-it Ralph first without Hong Wen and Agnes though!!! Such an awesome movie!!!

S U G A R, SUGAR RUSH!

Other than being cute, the show did have several deeper meanings, but I'm simply too tired to type out my feelings on it since that's like so many days ago, yet another reason for me to blog regularly, oh well!

So damn cute!!! Vanellope FTW!

Unbelievably cute!!!

Who's to say what's good and what's bad. If there's no bad, how can there be good?

Went for dinner at Nan Xiang followed by Ah Chew dessert!!! Finally, a full PPPPPP gathering!!!

So damn cool! With a straw to drink the fishy soup within!

Durian Mango Sago!

Ahhh, missed all of you! Especially since we all know full well that we're not gonna have another full outing anytime soon. STOP MUGGING SO MUCH PEOPLE!

Went for a back-scrub/massage/hydrating facial with Jin Wen and Jin Tong the next day at Spa D'or! It's at Raffles City and rather ulu but it's a SUPER cheap offer from deals.com!!! $38 and I even got a diamond peel!

Haha, I might not be as good as the rest of PPPPPP fashion-sense/shopping wise, but in terms of facial knowledge... WIN.

Overall, this Spa D'Or has good service if you get the old facial therapist I feel. Older facial therapists tend to have better skills! One thing's for sure though, the ambiance is not as good as Bella Skincare, since the walls are so old and the air-conditioner wasn't working that well. But all in all, the package offered was highly affordable comparatively, and they offer massage here too!

Another plus point, they sounded very Chinese over the phone, which made me doubt their authenticity initially, since I've been conditioned to expect a professional English-speaking receptionist! However, I guess their lack of image is compensated by good skills and affordable prices! Sorry for judging and thanks for hiring locals! (I think!)

Eyebrow shaping was supposed to be included in the package too but nope, don't think I got any lol. But the awesome massage more than made up for it! My neck has been aching so much from gaming! And yes, I'm so glad it's a hydrating facial, since my skin really needs that right now.

Ee Chow came to meet us after that for a dinner at Tsukumen Ramen!!!

One photo to describe the entire experience!!!

JUST SO DAMN AWESOME!!! Really unique and nice!

Went to get more Royce Chocolate before heading to my house for a mahjong/poker stayover! Haha! Can't remember much for mahjong, except Ee Chow lost almost everything LOL.

Had a mini questions game before sleeping that was rather interesting, surprisingly! Haha!!!

Oh and before I forget, on Thursday, after watching Wreck-it Ralph, I was so into retro games again that I went to play The Sims 1!!! Till 7am the next day! Yes, it was truly strangely addictive! Cleared more than 100 days without realizing it! LOL.

Spent my entire Saturday catching up on dramas! Particularly enjoyed watching The Simpsons! LOL! Some of their quotes are really good!!! Which reminds me, I have to start watching The Walking Dead!!!

Packed on Saturday too to move in the next day! Which is just now la since it's after 12 now! Spent hours cleaning up and unpacking before heading to Vivo with Abra for dinner/shopping for necessities! Big thanks to my parents for helping out! Especially my dad for cleaning away those disgusting bugs which I take minutes of courage to destroy.

Got an exercise mat to put in my room in case I'm too lazy to walk 4 minutes to the gym, or simply another motivating factor for me to exercise!

Never realized dumbbells was so expensive though! Felt so Sua Ku!!! Haha!!!

And well! I guess that's it! I'm really tired and yet, I wanna finish watching my 造王者! Such a good show!

And so... let school life begin again!!! (Which reminds me of Taylor Swift and how she broke up again -.-)

One really important plus point of school life: Every single leisure activity feels so much more enjoyable during school life! I love being rebellious! Dramas never looked this interesting!!!

Trying to get Abra to watch 金枝慾孽!!! Haha can't believe I'm getting him to start on the best tvb show first! How can the rest be compared to this classic?!

And so... BE OPTIMISTIC ALL! ALL THE BEST!!! =D

A new year, a new start?

It's amazing how a new year has passed by so quickly, how the year I would turn 21 is now just another year, a fragment of the past.

This fragment though, was rather a good experience for me. As usual, I've learnt a lot, from others and from myself. It was a pretty amazing year actually, just to sum it up:

1) It was a brand new year after my life as a NSF has just ended the month before, and I was all hyped up for this life of freedom!

2) Worked at several places but the most memorable would definitely be with theaardvark! =) Really big thanks to Hwee Bin and Daphne for teaching me so much! It was really an invaluable internship experience!

3) For going for the operation to remove the screws from my left ankle! Yet another unique GA experience, and now I'm no longer metaphorically 'screwed' for life! =) (This never gets old)

4) Going for the surgery was a difficult choice, since I would miss ARTS camp and I had really wanted to go! However, guess it was really hitsuzen that I ended up going for Orientation Camp and met so many awesome friends instead!

5) The friends made this year are irreplaceable! Especially my dear Beechee and Pokemon clique!!! My Uni life would be so non-existent without you guys!

6) Making the choice to stay in PGP?! Haha made some cool pals over there too! And got to experience a resident life? I guess I could really admit to myself: I don't get homesick. =P Living alone is such an easy experience on the whole! I just simply despise/hate travelling! Really love all our HTHT sessions there too!

7) Haha I'm not really going in any particular order now since everything's kind of jumbled up but I really want to thank my army friends, just for the fact that we could still keep in contact. Have no idea how long this would last, but still gotta say you guys rock!

8) Being able to keep in contact with lots of old friends this year, from Secondary 1/2 to Band juniors etc. And of course to nEPLAY! (Must make special mention since I didn't take photos with you guys on my birthday! SORRY LA!) And so touched that I managed to stay in contact with all my high school cliques! 4G / 6C33/USS / PPPPPP!

9) Going through tough times with some cliques but still managing to persevere and endure through tough times. I honestly felt that I got to know everyone better after such enduring moments.

10) This was honestly a year of revelation, growth and self-discovery. I've moved on with regards to some stuff I've always not been able to put down, and had the courage to do many things I've cowered from in the past. True magic comes from the courage of the heart, and to this, I can honestly tell myself: I've lived this year with no regrets.

It's amazing how everything seems to make sense once you look back on life as a whole, as a canvas simply waiting to be painted upon. And for 2012, I've painted it with some awesome stuff indeed. :)

Simply put, the friends made, the bonds made, is more than enough to put pure joy into my soul, my simple, easily satisfied soul.

I guess it's really wondrous how things turn out. I may not have realized it while I was going through the motion, but life had indeed been full of wondrous surprises. One thing led to another, and this year definitely made me trust my gut instincts even more. All the choices I've made have led to positive outcomes, or simply outcomes I chose to perceive as positive. After all, I have to live up to the name be-optimistic eh! =P

This is also rather private, but I just felt like sharing this amazing self-discovery process all year long. Throughout 2012, I had been telling myself subconsciously that this was a year of revelation, that I would finally come to terms, or simply understand why things are the way they are, and finally reach a new state in 2013. And somehow on 01/01/2013, everything just flooded in and made me open my eyes to see this revelation. And well, it just feels kind of magical? The feeling of emotional maturity flooded in too, which I had been pushing away in many parts of my life, a part which I wanted to hold on to. But I guess in the end, there are just some stuffs you simply have to let go of, feelings or otherwise.

Watched 'Sunny' today with the beechee group at Abraham's house and this particular message from the movie hit me hard and significantly. And that is to always remember that you are the protagonist of your own life, your own personal story. To live for oneself, and not just for others. That hit me hard.

Just so I would remember this in the future: I would not want to forget about the fateful symbolic dream I had in this new year, of a baby dying and going limp in my hands. Darn, even thinking of the experience jolts such heavy emotions into my very being, but yea, this was a dream I knew was coming, sooner or later. Funny how things work out eh? Dreams are after all, highly symbolic and representative of how our subconscious minds work things out.

And yup, just to summarize the past few weeks, here I go with captioning pictures!

Jin Wen happily eating the tiramisu we (Jin Tong mostly) made! Not to mention the unbelievably small cruise room!

Somehow, this was our only group shot on the cruise -.-

Haha me with my cardigan from Beechee!

Haha, the rest don't deserve solo shots.

Quite an amazing view I guess!

Only picture regarding the casino! What we had left after losing 60+ bucks lol!

Unbelievably LOUSY food on GEMINI! NEVER GOING GEMINI AGAIN!

Yes the buffets are that lousy!

Ee Chow's meal was the best since it was just rice with egg.

The only normal shot where these two idiots are not trying to hide their faces from the camera. -.-

Yes, the cruise trip was lousy. If I were to give a review on how lousy Gemini, the review would be so long, anyone who read it would steer away from this lousy cruise. So I shall just mention TWO big problems:

1) No water supply from the tap/shower during the first night. Yes, no WATER at all.

2) Heater was spoiled for one whole day, I had to force myself to shower in cold water on a freaking cruise.

If not for the company, and the exhilarating experience at the casino, and the fact that I loved the open KTV, this trip would be akin to throwing money down the freaking drain.

Unexpectedly though, I gained a lot from this cruise trip, especially from our group HTHTs. Learnt a lot, shared a lot and of course, debated a lot. But I guess it goes to show how saying things out really organizes one's thoughts better.

Which reminds me of how I watched 11 episodes of Homeland last night! One thing I learnt: Never make decisions in the heat of the moment, no matter happy or sad, the choices one make when in a calm, steady mind are usually the best choices. I've a lot to learn in this aspect.

For one, not to rush into decisions. :)

Conflicts arises when people disagree about something perceived as important. 越多互动，越多冲突。

Moving back to PGP next week, and I definitely would not say that I'm looking forward to moving back there again, since it's so hot and stuffy and the list of complaints can go on forever. But it's a necessity for me in a sense, that I get to leave this home for days and not appear as frequently. In a way, I feel that my relationship with my family would actually improve with lesser chances for conflicts and especially so seeing how absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Which reminds me, just a few days ago, when walking over to the bus stop near Candice's house to meet her for our PPPPPP outing, I turned my head slightly and saw the bus stop representative of so much of my primary school memories. That was the bus stop I walked to with so many friends, and that really got me thinking about the people I've walked there with.

Akin to my life, the particular walk to the bus stop, a simple bus stop near my primary school, represented so much more than just a short journey. Looking back, there have been friends who walked with me then who still walked with me now, friends I no longer kept in contact with when we all promised to keep in contact with each other, and even friends whom I'm unable to remember anything about.

The reason why: Well, as Abraham so aptly puts it: Life happens.

And although one know such is inevitable, I can't help but feel a twinge of regret that I wasn't able to hold on to all those bonds of friendships.

A more chilling thought is the fact that this is a pattern, that such is the irony of life that this history would eventually repeat itself, with the reason simply being: Life happens. And while one can hold on to some, one simply cannot hold onto everything.

Time heals all wounds, how I love to use this phrase, but the truth is time does not really heal all wounds, time simply makes everything fade with time. Both the good and the bad. Not sure if that's a good or bad thing. :)

Oh and before I forget! Pictures of two other meaningful outings! Sadly, we forgot to take pictures just now for our beechee outing!!! =(

6C33/USS/BINTAN GANG

Lovely gifts from Jazreen for the guys! Yes I'm the fairest as usual. LOL.

Our mark of the new year!

Mahjong, mahjong, mahjong!

Can't remember what's that they're holding, oh well.

Our lovely shot!

Our toast for the new year!

LOVE ALL OF YOU GUYS!

Mini PPPPPP shopping outing!

The only shot of my American Country Breakfast @ Dean and Deluca which I managed to take before my phone DIED. Yes, not a very good shot since it wast taken in a hurry, but I must say, the mushrooms are REALLY GOOD! =D

Had an amazing day just now with Beechee gang as we played Secret Santa! Lol it was really funny since me and Givon knew everyone's Santa beforehand ACCIDENTALLY! LOL!

Really fun though! Loved the shirt and bracelet from Jasmine!!! Thanks for the effort Stylohotmilo!!! HAHA!!! And Jia Hui: HOPE YOU LIKED THE LAST MINUTE CHOSEN PRESENT OOPS!!!

Watched Sinister (Really disappointing horror movie) followed by Sunny! Haha Sunny was good though, as the filming was really good and the plot had a good ring to it. :) Meaningful show with a good ending. :) Wonder if that was my first Korean movie LOL.

And I just wanted to share how I really appreciate and loved how we all stayed so close even though I shared 0 common modules with 3 of you guys! Haha please let it stay that way! OR PLEASE TAKE GEM2901 WITH ME THIS SEMESTER THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!

Postcards from Yun Xiu and Zi Xiang all the way from Taiwan and London!

Another thing about 2012, is the numerous friends I had to send off at airports, however thanks to whatsapp, I'm really glad I managed to stay in touch with most of them! I can't even properly express my gratitude and joy at receiving such lovely postcards from all of you guys!

To Yun Xiu: We humbly await your return a few weeks later so you can finally join us for our outings, and I promise to buy you a slice of chocolate ice cream cake since you missed mine on my birthday, and to hope that the Potluck outing actually HAPPENS.

To Zi Xiang: I know you're going through a bit of a tough time right now, but always know that I'm always a whatsapp away if you need someone to talk to! All the best for your studies k! Based on what I know about you and how smart you are, I expect nothing less than the best from our dear scholarship holder! =D JIA YOU!

Alright, I guess that's it for one blog post, one damn freaking long blog post! Proof to Jia Hui that I do blog and definitely more frequently than you do!!!

And so to sum it up and this never gets old:

BE OPTIMISTIC ALWAYS!